


Drive fast until we crash and burn

by Captain_jack_harkness



Category: All Time Low, Bandom, hustlers - Fandom
Genre: 1st person, AU, Arguments, Bad Friends, Band, Bands, Breakups, Completed, Drama, Fluff, Fluffy, High School AU, I’m gonna to add more tags as I go, Lies, Love, M/M, Mistakes, Open Ending, Originally on Wattpad, Poetic, Short Chapters, Talking About the Past, Too good to be true, Toxic Relationships, Unhealthy Relationships, Young Love, don’t think it worked, forgetting about the past, ignoring friends, lying, non band au, not learning, pop punk - Freeform, sorta unhappy ending, story telling, well I tried to be, well it’s not happy but it’s not unhappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 04:18:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 8,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13849947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_jack_harkness/pseuds/Captain_jack_harkness
Summary: Long drives. Late nights under the stars. Kissing on my door step at midnight. Goodbye kisses. Hello kisses. I love you kisses. Kisses. Every moment we shared felt like a dream. Until then it didn't. Then the world caught up. Everything was perfect. We lived in the fast lane. We were free. It was perfect. Until everything crashed down around us. Everything we loved crashed to the ground.We drove fast until we crashed and burned before we had to pick up the pieces of each other and put them back together. We put ourselves back together, piece by piece, moment by moment we tried to repair what we once had but we both know it won't be the same. Maybe we don't want it to be the same again, we need change, maybe we can make it better so that next time we aren't driving fast until we crash and burn.Even if we do crash and burn again Zack Merrick, even if we make the same mistakes we made before, I wouldn't want it any other way. I want to crash and burn with you.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I’m slowing putting all my fics from Wattpad on ao3 starting with my shortest one. I’m hoping to get it all done tonight but that might not happen because I have work tomorrow and I’m not going to stay up.

"Poetic." Zack said, we was sitting on his living room floor home alone eating pizza, "What is it meant to be?"

"Like a story of some sort. I don't know." I mutter feeling weirdly insecure about my own abilities to express how I'm feeling without it sounding like shitty emo poetry, usually I'm never insecure, especially around Zack. 

"It's good."

"I'm not done yet." I grab a slice of pizza and take a bite. 

"Well carry on." Zack said muting the tv, "You have my full un divided attention."

"Okay." I breath knowing it would be easier for me to just start and not think about it , I already know what I want to say and Zack wouldn't take the piss if it is bad, It's going to be fine, "The first time I saw you my eyes just brushed over you. Another face in the crowd. Just another person in a room full of people. You didn't stand out. Nobody stood out. It was just people. The first time I heard you speak I didn't even register. It was probably you answering to registration or something. I don't remember.

The first time I truly saw you was in PE. You took your top off after we did track and you was ripped. I remember being confused and slightly turned on. Alex thought the same. After that I started to pay more attention to you. It was that day I first listened to you speak. I dragged Alex over closer to you. He kept complaining. I heard you telling Rian how you hate sports. I didn't understand how you was so ripped but hated sports."

"Gym is different." Zack interrupted, "Shit. Sorry. Carry on."

"I know that now." I smile at him, "Since then I decided to pay more attention to you. I realised you are not only hot but kind. You also wasn't a bore. Usually there's a down side but I couldn't see one to you. You were perfect. You are perfect. There isn't a down side to you. 

That's all I thought when I saw you. I thought you were perfect. Your smile. Your laugh. Everything. I was fascinated by you Zack. I went out of my way to sit near you in class. I walked the same way home you did. It took a extra ten minutes but I did it. He wanted to go eat outside. I didn't. I just wanted to be near you. I forced Alex to stay in the canteen at lunch all because you was. I wanted to be close to you. We never even spoken but I fell for you. I fell hard. I didn't care about anything else. I wanted to talk to you. I couldn't. I was scared. What if he didn't like me? I though you were my soul mate. You are my soul mate."


	2. Chapter 2

"Do you want to know about the first time I saw you?" Zack asked after I went quiet, I nodded, "You were with Alex in science, he smashed a beaker or something and you accidentally cut your wrist open. You was laughing while Alex was panicking because of the amount of blood."

"You saw?" Zack was on the other side of the classroom. 

"I was washing up when it happened." 

"Oh."

"Yeah." Zack yawned, "Your laugh was the most amazing thing in the word. It was something I wanted to here over and over again."

"It really hurt." I admit, "I was laughing because if I didn't I would cry."

"It caught my attention." Zack took another slice of pizza, "Do you want to tell any more of the story?"

"You already know it." I look down playing with my hands, after everything me and Zack should be completely comfortable saying anything but for some reason I still struggled to tell him how much he meant to me. 

"I like your version. I only know mine."

"If you want." I guess if Zack wants me to carry on I must be sounding good right?

"I do."

"I guess." I shrug, "So the first time we spoke was in December. The last day of school. It was raining. Hard. The art block had a leaky roof. We both where in the class. Alone. Well alone with Miss Anderson. It was silent. The only noise was the rain crashing down on the window. That and the dripping. The constant dripping into a tea cup. We had detention for fucking around in art. I poured dirty water on Alex. You didn't do any work. Miss Anderson left the room. She was photocopying something.

It was just us. Me and you. You and me. Alone. I had to say something. Take my chance. It was the perfect moment. But I was scared. I didn't know what to say. We was sitting across from each other. I had to talk to you. I was panicking. I though you were my soulmate."

"I am your soulmate." Zack said for me.

"You are my soulmate." I agreed, "But I never spoken to you before. I wanted to make a good first impression. I couldn't be dumb. I couldn't just blurt out I think I'm in love with you. I did really think that. I am in love with you. I've been in love with you since I noticed you. Love at first sight. I needed to make sure we worked. I was worried. I didn't have to be. You spoke to me. Do you remember what you said?"

"I said 'Barakat right?' And you nodded."

"Then I said Miss Anderson looks like a hamster. I wanted to make you laugh. You did. It was music to my ears. Angels singing. It was amazing. I was so happy. Turns out Miss Anderson heard and kept us another ten minuets. I didn't care. Why would I? I got to hear your laugh. You knew my name. I was sitting across from you at a table. That moment was perfection. That was the first perfect moment of many."


	3. Chapter 3

Me and Zack fall asleep watching shitty movies on the couch. He made me promise to tell more of the story tomorrow. He said it's like audio book and now he's fully invested in it. I don't know why. He knows the ending. The ending is right where we are. I just wanted to tell Zack the part about the first time I saw him but somehow I'm now about to tell him our whole relationships in this weird poetic way. Well Zack said it's poetic. 

"Jack." I hear a small whine from Zack, "Can you keep telling the story."

"You only just woke up." I shuffle up the couch covering Zack in the blanket before sitting up properly, "Wake up first otherwise you'll complain that you wasn't awake properly and make me say it again."

I wasn't paying much attention when Zack was suddenly sitting up next to me. 

"Tell me the story."

"Fine." I roll my eyes acting annoyed when really it was nice, "So after that we quickly became friends. Me, you, Alex and Rian. We was the best friends. Perfect. Everything was perfect. But I wanted more. 

The first time we touched, well touched in a more than friends way, we were drunk. Alex threw a party. We went the party. I downed drink after drink. Shots slid down my throat. I chugged beers. Drank whisky straight from the bottle and stumbled over to you laughing. I then tripped. Tripped over air. Tripped and fell into your arms still laughing. You were drunk as well. Nowhere near as drunk as me. Yet, you was still drunk. Shots still burnt your throat. I saw you. You had less shots than me but you had them. You knew when to stop. You were drunk and I was fucked. When I fell in your arms laughing about god knows what you knew what I wanted. 

The first time we kissed was then. You brushed my hair from my face. I must have messed it up while dancing. Or maybe while falling. I don't know. I don't remember. I do know you helped me stand up. I wrapped my arms around your neck. We stared into each other's else for what felt like a eternity but was more likely a few seconds. You was the one to kiss me and it was perfect. My heart jumped out my chest. I remember feeling in that moment as if my life peaked. It didn't peak. Every moment I spend with you is better that the last. I love you Zack."

"I love you more Jack." Zack said, I rested my head on his shoulder, "Tell me the next part."

"Then I'll get food." I tell Zack, "Well the rest of the night I was glued to your hip. I refused to leave you. You was my safe place. I don't think I drank anymore. The night was a blur. A mess. I remember kissing you vividly. I don't think I could forget if I tried. I wouldn't try. I never want to forget you. 

Alex wasn't surprised when he found out we kissed. He knew I was crushing on you. He encouraged it. Rian was shocked. He didn't care. He just didn't see it coming. I didn't see it coming. I didn't see any of this coming. That drunken kiss changed my life. I didn't want the night to end. I was scared it was a dream. I was scared when I woke up it would all be gone. I wanted everything to stay perfect like it did in that moment."

I finish and go silent. Right now I just want some breakfast and to make out with my boyfriend, I think Zack knew I didn't want to speak anymore. He started stroking my face and whispering sweet nothings into my ear. 

"You are the best thing to happen to me."


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Zack." I say as we walk hand in hand past the school, it opens back up in a week.

"What Jack?" He asked.

"Do you want to hear more of our story?" I actually realised I did enjoy telling Zack how we got together from my eyes, it's also nice to reflect on how we got here. 

"I would love to."

We trudged on the wet class for a few minuets in silence before I started to talk, "The next morning I was so scared. I cried. Scared. Tears rolled down my cheeks. You held me. Held me close to your chest. Told me everything is okay. Then you kissed me again. I was still crying. Tears still run down my face. This time it was from happiness. I thought I fucked up. Ruined our friendship. You reassured me everything was fine. Everything was great. Everything was perfect. You was perfect. You held me. I loved it. I needed it. You made me feel safe. Feel okay."

"It's okay Jack." Zack decided to pick me up bridal style and kiss my forehead knowing the part of the story that was coming up. 

"Then went back to school Monday." I carry on holding tightly to Zack, "At first I was oblivious. I didn't know people was talking. How could I? Somehow you realised. You pretended you didn't though. For me. It was for me. You knew I would freak out. I did freak out. We disappeared to our separate classes. That's when I heard the rumours. It wasn't rumours. It was truths.

Now I wasn't ashamed. I loved you. Even back then I loved you. I was scared. Terrified. Terrified of what was to come. I went from party king to nothing. I lost my crown. All because I kissed a guy and meant it. It wasn't a joke. I was happy with you. I may have been scared but loosing my crown was worth it as long as I had you. 

I got hit once. Only once. I didn't tell you at first. Rian did. A few days later Rian told you. Then you beat them up. That was the day before we run for the first time. We drove off into the sunset."

"Are you going to tell that story?" Zack asked when we reached the local park and put me down on a bench, "Or do you want to save that for tonight."

"Why tonight?" I asked. 

"We can go for a drive and you can tell the story under the stars."


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey Zack." I say as we walk hand in hand past the school, it opens back up in a week.

"What Jack?" He asked.

"Do you want to hear more of our story?" I actually realised I did enjoy telling Zack how we got together from my eyes, it's also nice to reflect on how we got here. 

"I would love to."

We trudged on the wet class for a few minuets in silence before I started to talk, "The next morning I was so scared. I cried. Scared. Tears rolled down my cheeks. You held me. Held me close to your chest. Told me everything is okay. Then you kissed me again. I was still crying. Tears still run down my face. This time it was from happiness. I thought I fucked up. Ruined our friendship. You reassured me everything was fine. Everything was great. Everything was perfect. You was perfect. You held me. I loved it. I needed it. You made me feel safe. Feel okay."

"It's okay Jack." Zack decided to pick me up bridal style and kiss my forehead knowing the part of the story that was coming up. 

"Then went back to school Monday." I carry on holding tightly to Zack, "At first I was oblivious. I didn't know people was talking. How could I? Somehow you realised. You pretended you didn't though. For me. It was for me. You knew I would freak out. I did freak out. We disappeared to our separate classes. That's when I heard the rumours. It wasn't rumours. It was truths.

Now I wasn't ashamed. I loved you. Even back then I loved you. I was scared. Terrified. Terrified of what was to come. I went from party king to nothing. I lost my crown. All because I kissed a guy and meant it. It wasn't a joke. I was happy with you. I may have been scared but loosing my crown was worth it as long as I had you. 

I got hit once. Only once. I didn't tell you at first. Rian did. A few days later Rian told you. Then you beat them up. That was the day before we run for the first time. We drove off into the sunset."

"Are you going to tell that story?" Zack asked when we reached the local park and put me down on a bench, "Or do you want to save that for tonight."

"Why tonight?" I asked. 

"We can go for a drive and you can tell the story under the stars."


	6. Chapter 6

Zack drove slowly. He never drives slow unless he don't want to go home. Well slow for Zack is the actual speed limit and that's what he stuck to until we got to the spot we was the first time. Some out of the way field. I don't know how Zack remembered the way considering we just stumbled upon it last time. When we pulled up we got out and sat on the hood of the car, Zack's arm was wrapped around me and we could see that stars.

"The first time we ran was your idea. I was upset, you were angry. We got in your car and drove. Drove fast. Drove away from our problems. And for a moment. One perfect moment. Everything was okay. Nobody cared about us. Nobody cared I loved you. We drove with no destination. Until we got here. You pulled up. We sat on the hood of your car. You held me. We spoke. We kissed. We was happy. It was cold. I was cold. You was cold. Cold. Freezing. It forced us back in the car. The cold ruined it. But it didn't. We had to go back anyway. The cold was a reminder. Reminder of reality. Reminder of what was real. A reminder of what we were running from. Pain. So we drove back. Slow. You drove slow. We didn't want to leave. We didn't want to go back.

It was late when we got back. You dropped me off home. Kissed me goodbye. Promised to pick me up tomorrow. Told me we could get through this. I waved as you drove away. Slow. You drove slow. Then I went inside. My parents where worried. They was angry. They don't want me out that late again. I had one warning. Not that I listened. They demanded to tell them where I went. I didn't know where we was. I said we drove. Just drove. Drove fast. Drove slow. Drove nowhere. Then I went to bed dreaming of you. Dreaming of your lips. Dreaming of your touch. Dreaming of you. I went to sleep happy."

"I'm not nearly as good at this story telling thing as you are." Zack said, "But when I went home that night nobody cared. I mean yes they was worried but they just said to text them next time so they don't wait up. That's all. It was nice. I had freedom to be with you. I don't think I slept that night either, I was too busy thinking about you."

I smile resting my head on his shoulders looking down at our intertwined fingers, "You can tell stories just fine."

"But you make it sound pretty."


	7. Chapter 7

"Are you going to talk about the fuck up week?" Zack asked me after a long silence, we was still sitting on the hood of the car looking out at the now sunrise, "The whole drinking in school."

"Yeah." I think, I was just going to gloss over that, maybe say a few words but I guess that it is pretty important, "The week after we ran was fine. Fine as it could be. I was stressed. Upset. Why did people care? Then I got drunk. The next week I got drunk. Drank vodka straight from the bottle. It burnt. I let it. I wanted it. I let it burn my throat. It was cheap and shit. But it got me drunk. You realised straight away what was up. You held me. Kissed me. Told me everything is fine. I was terrified of peoples reactions. How they was acting towards me. So I kept drinking. I was drunk for about three days. Maybe four. Then you forced me to stop. The rest of the week I was hungover. Felt like shit. You skipped school because I was too sick to go in. Took care of me. My parents where mad. I got grounded. They thought it was your fault. It's never your fault."

"Some things are my fault." 

"This wasn't." I tell him, "I was the one drinking. Anyway you took care of me. I went home Sunday. That's when I was grounded. For a month. A whole month. It was bullshit. I snuck out Sunday night to see you. We made out on a park bench. Then you had to go. Your parents where calling. I said it was fine. You went home. I stayed till morning. Alone. In the dark. I went home as the sun started to rise. I wasn't caught. Then I feel asleep Monday in class. 

The fuck up week was over. But that didn't mean I was done fucking up. I drank a little bit more than healthy. I wasn't drunk all the time though. I just drank. You was worried. Worried about me. I lied said I was okay. I should have told you I wasn't. I decided to run. Alone. Drive. Alone. Without you. I was going to disappear. Without you. Then you called me. I was somewhere. I didn't know where. I heard your voice. Then I used google maps to turn right back around to see you. I cried in your arms. I was so worried about other people. I was pathetic. I know you're going to say I'm not. I was. Don't even try to say it. I was. I cared too much about what other people thought. Yet I had everything I wanted. I didn't know how to feel. I wanted you. I wanted to be liked by everyone. I had to pick. I almost picked them. But in that moment. Last minuet. I changed my mind. I picked you. I only just got you. I wasn't going to let you go. I don't know what I was thinking. You were perfect. You are perfect."


	8. Chapter 8

I make sure when I'm dropped off home to be quiet when sneaking in my window. My parents are going to be mad that I'm out all night with Zack again, they would be mad when they see me. If I manage to hide away in my room until midday then maybe they would forget about it. I climbed in the open kitchen window, just as I was siding off the kitchen counter my mom walked in the room. 

"Hi mom." I nervously laugh, "Sleep well?"

"Where was you?" She asked sounding frustrated, she knows where I was, I was where I always am, with Zack. 

"With Zack."

"Where with Zack?" She stood blocking the door so I couldn't leave.

"We went for a drive." I shrug just wanting to go sleep now, "Spoke for a bit and watched the sunrise. Like what we normally do, you know this."

"You're grounded."

"Whatever. I'm going to sleep." She gets out the way of the door knowing I'm just going to go see Zack again, I don't think I ever paid attention when I was grounded, at least not since Zack. 

My parents probably think Zack's a bad influence on me or something. I don't really care. I flop down on my bed. I'm so fucking tired. I'll call Zack when I wake up, I probably won't go his tonight. I need to catch up on sleep. I've been spending so much time with Zack over the holidays I've probably had a average of two hours a night.

I know I drifted off to sleep because a few hours later I was awoken by my phone ringing. 

"Yes?" I yawn picking up the call from Zack. 

"Sorry did I wake you?"

"Yeah." I rub my eyes taking a proper look at the clock, I've been asleep for about seven hours, "But it's fine."

"Are you coming out tonight?"

"No. I need to catch up on sleep and I've been grounded." Zack knowing being grounded makes no difference, I'm just so tired, "Tomorrow you can come over while my parents are at work."

"Can you tell me more of the story?" 

"I mean I guess." I really think of it as a think to say in person now, "I'll tell a short one because they sound better in person so I want to say the important bits to your face."

"What's this one going to be about then?"

"How about that time you nearly fucked me in Rians car?" I think aloud, "The time at lunch."

"When we was high?"

"Yes."

"Take it away."

"So. Okay." I start, it's always awkward starting these, especially when they are spontaneous like this one is, "Me. You. High. Rians car. Alex and Rian was outside. Too much weed. It was fuzzy. Funny. A blur. I was relaxed. Too relaxed. Everything was funny. It started with you poking me. It made me laugh. You liked my laugh. Poking became kissing. Kissing became touching. Touching that wasn't pg 13. Touching that soon had your hand on my zip. Touching that wasn't staying innocent. Then Rian open the door. We jumped apart. Laughing. Rian laughed. Alex got in the car. We drove back to school. You poked me again in English. It was funny. I was laughing."

"Cute." 

"It's kinda shit." I admit, "I made it up on the spot. The rest I have some sort of idea what I want to say."

"No no. It's perfect."


	9. Chapter 9

While my parents where at work Zack snuck over. It wasn't really him sneaking over but I was grounded and that meant no Zack, well no Zack, Alex or Rian but Alex and Rian was busy doing 'other things' anyway. They refused to elaborate when asked. It's probably drugs they don't want to share. They may also be getting annoyed with me and Zack being all coupley in front of them.

"So what's the next part of the story you want to tell?" Zack asked, he was sitting on my bed playing with my hair, the past few hours We was playing PlayStation slightly tipsy. 

My parents are going to kill me when they get home, not only is Zack round. We are also getting more and more drunk by the minute. They'll probably say he's a bad influence on me again when really it was my idea. It's usually my idea. 

"The time we ditched school and ran." I smile opening another can of warm beer, "Then got suspended for a week."

"The first time when we walked out of English?"

"Yeah." I take a long sip before starting, "Running was never intended to become a thing. It wasn't a thing. Not the first. Not the second. Not any of the times when we ran after school. When we drove. It was when we got in trouble it became a thing. I guess this is the first time it was a thing. Us. Together. Running. Driving. Hiding. Talking. That was a thing. 

It was a Friday. People where making jokes. About me. About you. About us. Laughing. Laughing at us. Not with us. It upset me. You could tell. So you stood up. Flipped the desk. Grabbed my hand and we ran. Out the doors. Through the school. Into your car. At first we was silent. It was good. I needed it. When I was drifting to sleep you whispered I love you. I'm not sure if you knew I was still awake. But I was. I heard it. It made me feel better. 

We was on the run for days. I lost track of where we were. It was when we was low on money and gas we drove back. That was Monday. Well late Sunday night. It was Monday morning when we got home. We slept in your car in a 24 hour McDonald's car park. Then you drove me home. I was grounded for a month. We both had to go a meeting. School wanted us both. And our parents. It was hell. We both got suspended. I don't get why. Two days off school. For ditching school. We wasn't meant to see each other. We still did. As soon as my parents left. 

When we went back Thursday it was weird. Alex and Rian were worried sick. Everyone was shocked we was back. When it spread what we did people wasn't surprised. Running. It's what we did best. As long as we was each other. We couldn't run from each other. We wouldn't run from each other. Why would we want to?"


	10. Chapter 10

"What are you going to tell next?" Zack whispered to me as we walked the halls, it was our first day back and we was on our way to my locker, "And when?"

"Not here." I lean into Zack's shoulder blocking out the noise around me, I know know if anything's being said about us but I don't want to hear it if it is, "Later."

"What are you going to talk about though?" Zack asked again, "Because it's getting close to the bad stuff."

"I was going to talk about the breakup."

"More like breakdown."

"True." Zack laughed, "But it's all good now."

"Yeah." I smile, "I'll tell you the story once we find Alex and Rian. Like before class or something. It shouldn't take too long."

"Why not now?" 

"People." I wave my hand around motioning at the pack corridor, "Everyone can hear."

"It was a very public break up." Zack said, "It's nothing nobody doesn't know. They all seen it or heard about what happens. The rumours weren't even right for a bunch of it so if people do hear it's just getting your story straight about a year after it happened."

"I mean. I guess." We walk down the halls in silence before I start, "The first time we broke up it was my fault. I was done. I changed my mind. I wished I never picked you. I wanted everyone else's approval. I was angry. I was scared. I didn't want this anymore. I wanted you but I didn't want the struggle that came with it. I thought it would fix everything. So I broke up with you. The night before I was round yours. I was distance. You noticed. I was thinking. Thinking about what I was going to do. What I was going to miss. I was going to do it that night. But I couldn't. 

The next day we was in school. I broke up with you before form. Alex and Rian was there. Confused. It started with you asking what you did. It was nothing. You did nothing. Alex called me a idiot. I was. Rian told me not to ruin this. I started shouting. Saying they knew nothing. I didn't realise I was shouting. I didn't realise people was looking. I didn't realise people were listening. I screamed at you and you stayed silent. You said okay. You said you aren't leaving me. I screamed at you to piss off. I caused such a scene we were taken to Mr Bradly's office. 

We sat outside while waiting for him to finish with someone's parents. I was still annoyed. I wanted you to react. I wanted you to get angry. To be upset. Anything but level headed and calm. When I started saying I never wanted to see you again and you ruined my life you just wrapped your arms around me and held me close. You didn't listen when I tried to push you away. You just whispered at me you're here. You whispered at me to calm down. You wasn't going to let me go. I wanted you to let me go. Eventually you did. But not before telling me you love me. Not before telling me you will be here when I change my mind. I didn't think I was going to change my mind. I was wrong."

"I swear it only lasted like a week." Zack laughed, "Maybe two."

"It was a week and a half." I shrug as I spot Alex and Rian by Alex's locker. 

"Aren't you going to tell the rest?" Zack asked. 

"Later."


	11. Chapter 11

"Jack." Zack whispered trying to keep me from falling asleep in maths, "You can tell me more instead of listening to this bullshit if it keeps you awake."

"I love you." I yawn with my head on the desk, "But right now I want to sleep."

"It's first day back you can't get in trouble for napping." I turn my head to the side and look at Zack, "I'm already doing your work at least stay awake for me."

"Fine." I huff sitting up rubbing my eyes, "I was sad. Missed you. Got back together. The end."

"Jack." Zack rolled his eyes at me, "Don't tell it if you don't want to I'm just trying to help you stay awake."

"I'll do it properly." 

"You don't have to..." Zack starts. 

"So after we broke up I thought everything would go back to normal." I interrupted still keeping my voice low, "It didn't. I told everyone it was joke. That I was playing everyone. Nobody believed me. Why would they. It was the worst lie ever. You rolled your eyes every time you heard me say it. So did Rian. Alex just called me a idiot. I was a idiot. They forced us to hang out. I was mad. I couldn't pretend my feelings for you didn't exist with you sitting across from me. I ignored you whenever you spoke. 

About a week after we was all sitting in Rian's house after school. You kept trying to speak to me. It was us two alone in the kitchen. I threw a apple at you. You caught it and laughed. Then you pinned me against the fridge and kissed me. I was pissed off but I just let you. I kissed you back. I wanted you back. I wanted my life before you back. I wanted both at the same time. You said to me 'have you changed your mind yet?' I shook my head then you said."

"I said I'm here when you do." Zack finished before handing over my completed work sheet.

"It was a week later I picked you again. I realised I was wrong." I carry on, "We was at a party. I've been avoiding you since we kissed. Choosing not to hang out with Alex and Rian. I wanted to avoid you. At this party I couldn't. I didn't want to miss it. Free alcohol. Why would I say no? I also wanted to get back into the swing of things without you. I used to be party king. I wanted it back. So I got drunk. I danced. I kissed a few people. I felt like I fit in again. I was having fun. 

Then I saw you. You was standing across the room drinking beer. You looked miserable. I caught your eye and you smiled. I missed you. I wanted you back. I was drunk and I admitted it to myself. So I walked past you. Motioned for you to follow me. You did. I looked a bathroom door behind us and told you I missed you. I wanted you back. I was wrong. I was ready to beg you to take me back but I didn't need to. You already knew I wanted you back. You wanted me back. We then acted like nothing ever happened. Maybe that wasn't the healthiest."

"Well it's done now." Zack shrugged. 

"We're all fine now." I mutter.


	12. Chapter 12

"I love you Jack." Zack said while Alex and Rian was queuing up for McDonald's.

"I love you too."

"Do you think Rian and Alex have something going on." I look over to Rian and Alex who where whispering to each other. 

"No." I say without thinking properly, "They would have told us."

"What are the talking about them?"

"Drugs most likely." I shrug, "That they don't want to share."

"I guess." Zack said unconvinced, "You going to tell more of the story?"

"Later." I dip my fries in ketchup, "I'll tell you tonight."

"What are you going to talk about?"

"Just about what happened once we got back together." I rest my head on Zack's shoulder, "Before I go on about the other breakups."

"I like to pretend they don't exist." Zack said as Alex and Rian walks back over. 

"So do I."

"Jack you look down." Rian said as he sat back down. 

"I'm fine."

~~

"When are you going to tell the story?" Zack asked, my head was on his chest as we laid on his bed, I've been pretty much silent since we've been left alone, just thinking.

"I guess now." I snuggle closer against Zack who was playing with my hair messing it all up, "When we went back to school hand in hand nobody was shocked. People rolled their eyes. Nobody believed I hated you. Now they never will. They watched me cling to your arm. They watched me whisper in your ear. They watched me smile every time you spoke. They watched you kiss me softly every time I looked at you. They watched me in my own bubble of you. I loved you. When Alex and Rian saw us together they was happy. I realised how dumb I was being. I shouldn't be caring about other people. It's you I loved."

"I love you."


	13. Chapter 13

"Remember the time you broke up with me while drunk?" Zack asked randomly while we was eating ice cream. 

"Yeah?" I reply raising my eyebrow at him, "Why?"

"Is that the next part of the story?"

"Yeah..." I trail off knowing Zack wanted me to tell it, I haven't really been in the mood, "Do you want me to tell it?"

"Yes please." I take a sip of my milkshake not particularly feeling like talking about all this right now but I don't want to disappoint Zack, it's just thinking about everything that happened made me realise we have a lot of unresolved issues.

"Imagine this. You got slammed into a locked while you're boyfriend was off sick." Zack opens his mouth about to say something, "I should have told you I know. Just let me say this before you start talking.

The reason it happened. Your boyfriend. You knew if he wasn't sick this wouldn't happen. You knew if you wasn't dating him this wouldn't happen. You knew you loved him but you knew you wanted this to end. That's how I felt. I wanted you but I wanted this to end. So I decided to have a drink to relax. One drink became two. Two became ten. Ten because drunk texting you saying I wanted to break up. I didn't really want to break up. I was just having a bad day. I missed you. You then came and found me in the park with a beer in my hand. You took it off me. Held me close. Whispered how much you loved me in my ear. You carried me back to yours. I fell asleep in your arms. The next day I woke up with the same sickness bug you had."

"You got hurt?" Zack asked, "Thats why you broke up with me?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Zack looked super worried. 

"Didn't want to worry you." I shrug, "We never got back together officially after that."

"I just pretended that it never happened."

"So did I." I admit, "It's still pretty fuzzy for me so it's best to pretend."

"You know I cried to Rian over the phone before I found you." I look at Zack in shock before sipping on my milkshake again, "Yeah he said to talk to you in person because you're probably being dumb."

"I was."

"You are a bit rash sometimes." I nod in agreement and Zack looks down at his phone, "Rian and Alex want to talk to us."


	14. Chapter 14

"Can I tell more of the story while we wait?" I asked, Rian and Alex said they was on there way. 

"I would love that."

"We had a few messy breakups and arguments before Alex and Rian decided to step in. They was mainly my fault." I chew on my straw from my now empty milkshake, "Alex told me we wasn't right together. He said our relationship wasn't healthy. Rian said I need to stop fucking things up. He told me to talk to you. Apparently our relationship problems could be fixed if we spoke about them. We never spoke about them. Instead they would be fixed if people didn't have a opinion on it. Our relationship. Our business."

"I don't think we ever had relationship problems other than the breakups but they don't count."

"Yeah." I mumble not quite agreeing, "Anyway. We completely ignored them. We was in love. We are in love. Okay sure our relationship wasn't perfect. But what one is? Everyone has problems. Everyone pretends the past didn't happen. We are no different. We was happy. We was in love. That's all that mattered. That's all that ever matters."

"Hey guys." I snap my head around and see Alex and Rian had just walked through the door, "We need to talk."

"Okay." Zack shrugs as Alex and Rian pull up chairs to our table, "What's so important?"

"We wasn't going to say anything because of how you reacted last time but your relationship isn't healthy." Rian said, "We know you guys are happy but running away from your problems and pretending you're fine."

"We are." Zack snapped, "How would you know what's good in a relationship anyway?"

"You're kidding?" Alex asked laughing, "If you paid attention you would realise Zack's been miserable lately."

"I'm fine." I lie, maybe Alex and Rian are right. 

"Sure." Alex rolled his eyes, "Have you not even realised me and Rian have been together for months?"

"What?" 

"You're so caught up in yourselves you didn't notice your best friends."

"Sorry." Zack mumbled, "I will pay more attention in future but just because you two are in a relationship don't mean you know anything about mine and Jacks."

"We know having to spend every second together otherwise you're angry and upset isn't healthy." Rian started. 

"We know not talking about your problems and pretending they don't exist isn't healthy." Alex continued. 

"Well me and Jack are happy and that's all that matters." I look at Zack and stay sitting in silence, maybe later I'll talk to him about it. 

Rian and Alex are right. Our relationship isn't the healthiest but I am happy with Zack. I love Zack. I want to be with Zack forever. I want to marry Zack. I want to die with Zack. I love Zack. 

"Well let's ask what Jack thinks."

Everyone turns to face me, "I love Zack."

"I love you to baby." Zack said reaching across the table to put his hand on mine, "I'm going to marry you some day."


	15. Chapter 15

As I'm walking home with Zack I lean into him and whisper, "Do you sometimes think that they are right and our relationship isn't going to last if we don't talk about our issues?"

"No." Zack said, "We're both happy right? That's all that matters."

"But sometimes I feel we bottle things up until we explode and break up." 

"I'm fine."

"Well I'm not Zack." I tell him growing angry, "I love you but sometimes I need to talk about things with you."

"If you're not happy we should just break up." 

"Zack..." I mutter in disbelief, "I don't want to break up I just want to talk."

"Talk then."

"Every time we break up we pretend nothing happens and it hurts. I can't just pretend what everyone says don't hurt me just because you would be rash and do something dumb." I tell him, "Because it hurts a lot. I can't just ignore what everyone says about us. I love you but it hurts me and I need to talk about it."

"When have I ever been rash and done something dumb?" Zack asked visibly angry, "Name one time."

"How about when you threw a book at Mrs Watson because she gave me a bad grade and I got upset." I point out, "Or when you screamed at Alex because he accidentally made me drop my ice cream."

"That was twice..." 

"And the times you found out someone upset so you decided to punch them." I carry on, "Face it Zack you try to help but when it comes to me you overreact."

"Well then we should break up if that's how you feel."

"Zack..."

"I'm sorry Jack but if you don't appreciate what I do for you then why are we together?" Zack asked, I choked on my sobs as he walked away from me, "I love you Jack."

"Don't do this." I wipe my eyes and watch Zack leave, he doesn't even look back. 

What am I meant to do now? I was staying at Zack's tonight. Am I meant to go running back to him? I love him. He loves me. Why wouldn't he listen? My hands shake and I reach for my phone in my pocket to test Alex. 

Can I come over?-Jack 

You and Zack having problems again?-Alex

Yh-Jack 

This is what happens when you pretend you're happy-Alex 

I am happy-Jack 

Why'd you break up?-Alex 

Because I agreed and wanted to talk about our relationship problems and he said I didn't appreciate what I do for him-Jack

Wanna get high and talk about it?-Alex

Yes-Jack 

Sorry for being a shit friend recently-Jack

It's fine you've been dealing with things-Alex

Don't make it right-Jack

Let's talk in person-Alex

Omw to urs now I'll be ten mins-Jack


	16. Chapter 16

"What if it looks awful?" Alex asked panicking sitting in the hair dressers waiting for the bleach to be ready to be washed out, "What if Rian don't like it?"

"It's going to look fine." I laugh still party distracted by looking down at both mine and Alex's phone waiting for a Zack to apologise, I promised Alex I wouldn't text him first but I really want to see him, "And even if it does look like complete and utter shit then Rian would still love you."

"And I could just dye it back to brown."

"Exactly."

"Okay we can wash that off now." The hair dresser says, Alex stands up and follows her over to the sink while I stay sitting with the phones.

After sitting staring at the wall in boredom for a while Alex's phone starts to ring loudly. When I look down and see Rian I pick it up right away homing he's telling Alex Zack wants to come see me. 

"Hello." I answer. 

"Hey Jack." Rian said, "Where's Alex?"

"Just washing his hair." It's not a complete lie, I don't want to ruin the surprise, "Why you calling?"

"Can all four of us meet up for lunch?" Rian asked, "Or whenever Alex gets out the shower."

"McDonalds around half twelve okay?" Alex should be done by then as it's still a hour until then and McDonald's is just down the road.

"That's great."

"How's Zack?" I knew I shouldn't have asked but I had to know. 

"You'll see later." Rian refused to answer, "I'll see you in a bit."

"Okay bye." I say hanging up as Alex walks back now with wet blonde hair. 

"Why was you on my phone?"

"Rian called all four of us are meeting in McDonald's at one."

"You didn't speak to Zack at all?"

"Rian wouldn't even tell me how he is."


	17. Chapter 17

3 months later 

"Zack." I mutter one day, "We haven't changed since last time."

"What Jack?" He yawned, "Go back to sleep."

"Zack you said things would change and we won't pretend the past didn't exist just because we don't like it."

"What are you saying?" Zack was sitting up like me now rubbing his eyes. 

"That I love you but we aren't healthy."

"Do you want us to break up?"

"No." I admit, "But I think it's best. At least until we grow up a bit."

"But we love each other." Zack wipes a tear from his eye, "We treat each other right."

"But are we truly happy with our relationship?" I ask him knowing the answer. 

"No." He breathed, "But I wouldn't be happy without you either."

"I won't be completely gone." I reassure knowing if Zack started crying I would and then all this would be for nothing, "I'm not just going to cut you out of my life because I do love you Zack. You are my first love. Anyway Alex and Rian wouldn't let us just avoid each other."

"Are we going on a break or something then?"

"Sort of." I shrug having already thought of this, "We can see other people but in like six months we can talk and see if we want to get back together."

"That's fair." 

"Do you want to set it six months from now?"

"Can I spend one more night with you as my boyfriend first?"

I nod cuddling back up into Zack's arms hoping I made the right decision. We aren't healthy and both need to grow up before attempting us again, I don't know if we are ever going to be perfect but I know we aren't happy. Love isn't everything.


End file.
